Contact Us

Gabe’s Top List of the Day

Photo by Xurxo Lobato/Cover/Getty Images

Plastic surgery procedures were up last year. If you’re thinking about gettin’ some work done, I hope you don’t recognize anything from this list of the Top Signs You Picked The Wrong Plastic Surgeon.

When you ask him about the benefits of facial reconstruction, he throws his vodka at you and storms out in tears.

For a dollar, he’ll let you touch Chaz Bono’s old vagina.

When he’s done, he hands you a bag full of organs and says, “I forgot to put these back in.”

The receptionist’s belly button is on her chin.

He insists on carving his name and phone number into your new boobs.

His paperweight is Joan Rivers’ fourth nose.

He says the liposuction machine is down and just shoves a Dyson ball-vac up your ass.

He offers to bake your excessive fat into a souvenir pie.

Your name is Kenny Rogers.

The last thing you see before going under is him giggling and unbuttoning his pants.

You were really surprised to wake up and see how you looked with your new breast implants. Mostly because you’re a dude.

When you question whether he should really be operating after chugging a bottle of whiskey, he screams, “Well I guess you’d prefer I probe perilously close to your vital organs without steadying my hands!”

His idea of rhinoplasty? Attaching a horn to your face.

He asks you if you’d be okay with crying out of your ears.

Best of The Rock Station 99X

Recommended For You

Best of the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Sign up for The Cockpit quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!

Sign up to have exclusive The Cockpit contests, events, coupons, presales, and much more delivered to you for FREE.