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Gabe’s Top List for 4/20

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Top Best Things About Being a Pothead

In honor of 4/20 Day, check out the Top Best Things About Being a Pothead.

When you smoke enough of it, you forget you left your hit Comedy Central show at the top of your game.

Other people watch “SpongeBob”. You GET “SpongeBob”.

The same seven-hour Phish song never gets old.

Blowing smoke into your cat’s face equals instant hilarity.

Got a few hours to kill? Stare at your hand.

You can listen to Bob Marley for nine hours straight without realizing all the songs pretty much sound the same.

You’re automatically AWESOME at Hacky Sack.

Friends are always impressed with your four-hour discourse about why “The Big Lebowski” is the greatest work in cinematic history.

Paranoia among potheads is a myth. At least according to the mouse-slash-government agent living under your couch.

You always have something to talk about at Thanksgiving with that weird uncle who lives in a van.

Being a rich white kid who sports filthy dreads and puts a Jamaica bumper sticker on your BMW definitely doesn’t make you a poseur.

No one EVER gets sick of you quoting lines from “Friday” for the ten millionth time.

You sleep soundly, knowing that thanks exclusively to you and your buddies, Frito-Lay will continue to make Funyuns.

You can get any girl you want, once they get a load of those sexy bloodshot eyes and the skunky smell that follows you around.

The first 7 years of college.

Understanding how wonderful a cold grape soda can be.

You know a TON about government conspiracies.

You’re the envy of all your scarfaced, yellow-toothed meth-head friends.

I could reread this stupid list to you right now and you’d laugh at it just as hard.

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