Shark Week Drinking Games
Do you love Shark Week? (watch link for the aftermath of a good shark week) Do you love drinking? Then this is a must read for you.
Every year, something so phenomenal happens that we will literally drop whatever it is we have going on and watch nature’s perfect killing machine fly out of the water at a thousand miles per hour and eat defenseless seals. Well what better way to celebrate this then by drinking your ass off with fun games that will literally make you destroy the vast majority of your brain cells. Here are the rules to the shark week drinking game.
… Every time some random dude is referred to as a “shark expert,” drink and declare yourself a “drinking expert.”
… When the “Air Jaws” Great White Sharks are captured flying out of the water, start drinking. Don’t stop until they are all the way back in the water. The last thing you should remember is the narrator bragging something about “super slow-motion 2,000 frames-per-second” and the sound of an ambulance siren.
… Every time a shark is referred to as “nature’s perfect killing machine” or some iteration thereof, take a healthy sip, high-five your friend, and remind him that you “nature’s perfect high-fiving machine.”
… Every time they show one of those wussy Nurse Sharks that don’t eat people, change the channel.
… Every time you are reminded that sharks need to be protected and are an important part of the fragile ecosystem and any other hippie crap, take a drink of green tea… that’s spiked with Jaeger.
… Every time you hear someone with an Australian accent, pound a Foster’s. It’s Australian for Budweiser, mate! (Warning: three cases of Foster’s might not be enough.)
… Every time you see a Whale Shark, kindly inform those in the room with you that a Whale Shark can reach lengths of more than 40 feet and weigh more than 36 tons; is the world’s biggest fish; is the only member of the Rhincodon genus; and prefers the warm waters along the Equator. Wait for your friends to tell you to shut up and stop quoting Wikipedia, then drink.
… Every time they mention the movie Jaws, finish your beverage and scream, “We’re going to need a bigger drink!”
…Every time a seal dies….Drink.
… Every time you wonder why you’ve been watching Shark Week for the last few hours, shut up and watch more Shark Week because it’s awesome! Oh, and drink!
… And finally, every time you see a shark, drink.