Louisiana Invades Michigan
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The Civil War ended over 150 years ago, but Michigan is convinced that Louisiana is invading their state. And they have proof.
The Michigan Department of Natural Resources is reporting that they’ve discovered the vanguard of a ravenous army in their midst. And the irony is so sweet.
The cities of Vicksburg (no we’re not making that up) and Novi, which are about 150 miles apart in the Wolverine State, have caught Louisiana red swamp crawfish infiltrating their territory. And they’re not happy about it.
Red swamp crayfish, as they’re called by Northerners, are banned in Michigan because they are considered an invasive species. That’s because they can damage earthen structures (read “dams” and “waterbanks”) and they will fight aggressively with Michigan’s indigenous crawfish for food and living space. Crawfish are extremely fertile. They reproduce twice a year, sometimes laying up to 600 eggs at a time; so, Michigan’s concern is real.
While the initial incursion may have been thwarted, authorities in Michigan are on the hunt for more of these so-called “marauders”. There are rumors that captives may be boiled alive and eaten, but these cannot be confirmed. We also do not know if Michigan authorities were able to find the strike force’s cache of muskets and cannon.
No word yet on what the State Of Louisiana’s response will be. There is talk of an embargo on coney dogs, Michigan’s most famous edible export.