How To Shave With Safety Razors In 10 Steps
Many of you have to shave. But you don’t have to do it like a puss. This article will teach you how to shave like a man, with a safety razor the way your dad and grandpa did.I wouldn’t ask you to do anything I wouldn’t do. These tips are from me, using my razor and kit, on my face.
Throw This Summabitch Away
This type of razor is (and has been) proven to give you less than a perfect shave. The reason is that the blades are small and NOT rigid which means they won’t stay as sharp and for those of us with thick hair, this causes skin irritation and ingrown hairs. They are also so expensive, some places keep them behind those lucite boxes. Compare that to 1-2 dollars per BOX of double edged razor blades.
Wet your face with HOT water.
You need the water to be hot for three good reasons. One, to prove you’re man enough to do this. Two, to open up your pores and soften the beard hair. Three, the steam and hot water feel good. You can use a washcloth or the pelt of a baby seal. It doesn’t matter as long as the water is truly hot.
Wet your shaving brush with HOT water.
This is an important step. If you don’t have a shaving brush, stop reading and order one or go buy one. Shaving brushes are usually made from badger hair (the good ones anyway) or nylon (cheap ones) or boars hair. It make the lather you’ll need in step 4 and it also works to get in to your thick man beard to get to your face. Getting it wet and hot shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, take a blue pill, wait a few hours and try again. If that doesn’t work, buy it jewelry.
Using your shaving brush, add water to your shaving bowl.
Using the shaving brush (still wet with warm water) start lathering up in your shaving bowl. Shave soap can either come in the soap stone style or in the wooden bowl on it’s own. Some even come with a shaving mug. They aren’t hard to find around here and can be found near the aftershave at Brookshires or your favorite drug store. After you make the lather apply it to your face.
Lather it up.
Lather your shaving parts. Make sure to use round motions to make more lather on your face while you apply the foam. Go around, in, out, up, down. If you don’t know how to make those motions, ask your girlfriend to show you what I taught her. Also make sure to go outside the area you’re shaving a bit just in case.
Get the razor.
Selecting your safety razor is one of the biggest challenges you’ll face during this mission. Don’t puss out now. Giving one as a gift is okay, but know that the thickness of blades it takes, the angle it holds the blade and the shape of the head all matter. Safety razors come in several shapes and varieties. Make sure you get one that will hold up over time. There are several knock offs out there. Caswell, Knurl and Merkur are some brands to look for.
Put the blade in the razor
Selecting blades is pretty easy. You want stainless doublesided blades (you know, the kind your Latina girlfriend threatens you with). Each blade has 4 sides. The “A” side has two and the “B” side has two.
Put the blade where it belongs.
Without trying to quote Pacino in “The Devil’s Advocate” you need to put the blade where it belongs…on your face. The angle you hold the razor at is key here. You need to draw down first before going against the grain. Start above the hairline and draw down at a 45 degree angle. If you can, see if you can actually feel the blade against your skin. Oh, and PS, don’t go side to side. That’s an amateur mistake. Are we still talking about shaving?? Be careful to shave around the Ave Maria you’re clenching in your teeth.
The Angle of the Dangle
Again, I’m taking an extra point to emphasize the angle of the blade here. You can turn your face to pork chops real quick if you don’t take your time and watch the angle. I say that because some of you are used to shaving at “mach” speeds and pulling those blade across your face without getting nicked. Think about that for a moment, you can draw a “razor” all over your face as fast as you want and it doesn’t cut you? How sharp can it be then?? A stick of butter won’t cut you either, so we don’t shave with a stick of butter. Also pay close attention to said angle when going against the grain, say shaving UP from your throat. And hey, if this gets TOO hard, the razors already at your throat.
The After Shave
The regimen you use after you shave is just as important as the shave itself. You just got finished drawing stainless steel over your jugular for goodness sake, you should have a little more zest for life! I use Pinaud. It’s fresh, it smells manly, no one confuses it for my wife’s perfume, it’s been around since 1810, it seals the pores, and it stings a little to remind you not to be a whiny bitch. Their aftershaves have scents of lime, citrus, rum, musk, and vanilla. But old standbys like Lilac Vegetal After Shave Lotion and Eau De Quinine cologne still hold their own in the marketplace. Bob Hope was a lifelong fan of the products, as are Kirk Douglas and Donald Trump. Enough said…well almost. Make sure you understand that this product is actually an AFTER SHAVE, not just cologne or perfume. If you have a toilet problem, call a plumber not an electrician. If you need an after shave…buy one.