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Come All Ye Faithful – Pastor With Holy Penis Blesses His Flock

Well, this is an interesting story. A Brazilian Pastor has been arrested for rape after he convinced the female members of his congregation that his penis had been consecrated with “divine semen of the Holy Spirit” and that the only way to receive God into their lives was through the mouth. 

Pastor Sobrino Valdeci Picanto doesn’t deny these charges. In fact, he owns them saying, “he had an encounter with Jesus in a brothel and gave him the mission of spreading the sacred semen throughout the state, beginning with the faithful Apore Assembly, of which he is responsible’.

Denise Pinheiro, delegate of the region, said, “Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid. When we acted, Valdecir offered no resistance and even asked if I wanted to be part of the kingdom of heaven on the way to the police station. He is not ashamed of such acts and thinks they are the most normal things in the world.”

What can you really said about this guy? He managed to convince a bunch of women to blow him in the name of the Lord. The only things these women are a victim of are their own stupidity (these chicks were 20+ years old. Well, above the age of knowing better)

But at any rate, I don’t imagine this is what Luke had in mind when he put ‘the Holy Spirit shall come upon you’ in the Bible.

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