Vote Puff for President 2012?
Yesterday, my post about the state of rock and roll seemed to get a lot of people excited. It’s nice to see that people are as passionate about what’s going on (and what’s wrong) with rock as I am. So much so, that Stu and Brad Kirspel said (hopefully jokingly) that I should run for President. And at first glance, it seems insane. Me running the most powerful country in the world? Come on…
But, after thinking about it a while, I think I could do this country some good. Shake things up and get us back on top. I really could be the enema America needs.
I think if elected, my first order of business would be to over throw our government. Now, I know that sounds insane, but stick with me. I would become ruler/dictator of the USA. My first order of business to show what the new America is going be like, is to change the currency. The dead presidents are a symbol of the old American way, so I’m put a breath of fresh air into the country by changing out those faces. On the One Dollar bill- George Carlin, The Five-Bill Hicks, Ten-Sam Kinison, Twenty-MJK, and on the Hundred-Dave Grohl. I think those people embody the spirit of America, the free thinking, creative side that made us the Greatest Country in the World! Also, the National Anthem will be permanently to Jimi Hendrix’s version of the Star Spangled Banner.
My next order of business to help reinvigorate and revitalize our economy, as well as cut back on crime, would be to change the laws and punishment. Everything would be legalized. But there is a caveat, if your actions hurt or impair someone else’s life, you will be arrested and punished accordingly.
If convicted of your offenses in a court of law, you will not be jailed…you will be beaten. For instance, let’s say you got drunk and killed somebody. Instead of spending 10 or 20 years, we are going beat your mercilessly on Pay Per View (so we can put money back into the country without taxing the hell out of everyone). And it won’t just be a normal beating. Since this particular offense took place behind the wheel of a car, we will be you with steering wheels, car doors, drivers ed books, etc (If you shoot someone, you will be beaten with a gun book, pistol whipped, etc. I think you get the idea). You may live, you may die, but I guaran-damn-tee your ass won’t be doing anymore dumb stuff.
Stu would be my Chief Defense officer/Department of Defense, Gonzo would be legal council, and Rockin’ Rick would be our Weather adviser. The people will have a say in the government and how we proceed in certain national issues. But again, anyone dicks off and/or does something dumb, they will be beaten.
This my vision for our new America. Doesn’t it sound like a great place to live? Remember, this erection…I mean election, vote Puff for President if you want real change…unless you want to be beaten.