Contact Us

Top Things You Don’t Want To Hear On St. Patrick’s Day

Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images


Hearts, Stars, and Horseshoes, Clovers and….ah screw it. It St. Patty’s Day folks and that means it’s time to celebrate the fact that some dude got rid of some snakes from an island. We do this by getting completely wasted and puke on stuff. You also do a lot of things that, to the common man, you wish you hadn’t. Here are the top things you don’t want to hear on St. Patrick’s Day.

In honor of Saint Patrick, I want you to drive the snake from my pants.
Hey, defenseless woman, my name’s Ben Roethlisberger.  And you’re not wearing green.
If you look past the buckle shoes and green tights, I’m just a genetic freak with a dangerously enlarged heart.
If you accuse me of having an Irish temper one more time, I’ll smash this pint of Guinness across your forehead!
Of course I’ll go home with you.  We’ve got to celebrate the fact that today, everyone’s Irish.  Except my boyfriend.  He’s black.
I hope you’ve got a lucky four-leaf clover with you.  Because chances are, you now have Chlamydia.
Don’t worry:  The midget in Accounts Receivable LOVES it when you laugh about how you’re after his pot of gold.
“Erin Go Bragh” is Gaelic for “You may be drunk and hideous, but I’m still going to make out with you in the middle of the bar.”
No, it’s not from drinking.  I always hurl after lousy sex.
Shhhh.  If you’re quiet, you can hear my liver crying.
Look, it’s a leprechaun!  KILL HIM!
Let’s do it again.  But this time YOU pretend to be the girl.

Best of The Rock Station 99X

Recommended For You

Best of the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Sign up for The Cockpit quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!

Sign up to have exclusive The Cockpit contests, events, coupons, presales, and much more delivered to you for FREE.