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“The Suárez of the Lambs” [VIDEO]

Suarez of the Lambs

How long does this World Cup fiasco last? A year-and-a-half or some such nonsense? Why, oh why can’t it be over, so all the soccer(futbol) bandwagon hoppers-on can shut up about it, and we can all get back to our miserable lives. Bitter? Yes. Bitter that there are those who actually get out of work (like writing this ridiculous missive) to go to the closest sports bar with coworkers/friends to drink copious amounts of ale while watching grown men…jog.

If you’ve been paying attention to this World Cup – and who hasn’t? Even the little 9 year-old-punk holding up the line at McDonald’s this morning was wearing a “Spain” sweater. How gay is that (no offense meant to my gay/lesbian/TG friends…both of you. It’s just a turn of a phrase, okay?)? They call their jerseys sweaters. What do they call their cleats? Booties? But I digress.

If you’ve been paying attention to the World Cup, in the midst of all the guys jogging, and other joggers throwing red and yellow flags all over the field (EXCUSE ME!!! Not field, PITCH…), some guy from Uruguay’s team named Luis Suárez bit some guy on another team during a game (I KNOW…MATCH!!! Can we stop with the semantics already?!?!?!). Bit him. Hard. Maybe doing permanent damage to the Italian player’s delicate psyche. I for one, say “Stop the Violence!”, and ban soccer immediately!!!

But, again I digress. Luis Suárez did a Mike Tyson on a guy. And for his little mid-match snack, FIFA (Fédération Internationale de Football Association – the N.F.L. of soccer (futbol)) banned Suárez from the World Cup and all international competition for four months.

So now, Suárez has four months to relax on the couch and watch the World Cup at home. Or maybe he’ll watch the Poke’s fake trailer for the movie “The Suárez of the Lambs”. Hannibal Lector‘s got nothing on this guy:


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