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THE ART OF BEING A DOUCHE

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Recently, a buddy of mine became single for the first time in a long time. He came to me for advice because he had been with this woman for some time and he needed to get back in the game and wanted to know the procedures and steps on how to do so. So, I told him very plainly, be a douche. Now guys don’t go overboard when I say this. Don’t have the pencil thin beard or the Affliction clothes or the ridiculous looking Kanye West sunglasses. These things are incredibly douchey and you will lose credit with your fellow man. But be assertive, be arrogant, know what to do even when you don’t know what to do. Be one of the cockiest sons of a bitches on the planet and I guarantee results. Show no fear either. Now the reason for this is because women want a strong assertive man. They want someone who has a plan because the vast majority of them don’t. You have to do it. Dress nice. Wear simple yet stylish clothing that you find at JC Penny or Target even. The American Eagle and Abercrombies have got to go because you’re no longer in high school.Shave, bathe, and for the love of God brush your teeth. These things have been important since the beginning of time so as to why some men of this day and age have forgotten this knowledge is beyond me. Don’t ever mistreat a woman but being a sarcastic wise ass and cracking some jokes off her doesn’t hurt as long as she knows it’s just you being playful. The ultimate douches are the ones that are too far gone. They wear wife beaters in public, hats are sideways, their jeans are beneath their ass, and they never shut the hell up. DON’T DO THAT. Instead model yourself around classy guys like Dean Martin or Sinatra. They were assertive and clean cut. Sean Connery as Bond is another good one. If you play the weak, “Are you Ok?” crap then they will lose interest fast so stay on your game. To sum all this up, find that key mixture of douchery and chivalry that best fits you and you can’t lose.

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