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No Waiting — Watch All the 2014 Super Bowl Commercials Now! [VIDEOS]

Super Bowl XLVIII
Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images

The Super Bowl is, of course, THE game of the year. But strangely enough, it’s also the game where a ridiculous number of people tune in not for the game, but for the commercials. The rest of the year, we’ll DVR a show and then skip the commercials. But on that one day, we’ll skip the bathroom breaks, the run to the liquor store for more booze and the chance to refill the Elvis dip bowl to watch commercials.

So here’s (nearly) all the Super Bowl commercials we could find online.

Are the ads that premiere on the Super Bowl that much better? At $4.5 million for a 30-second spot during the game, you would hope so. Not always true, though.

There have been some greats, near-greats and a lot of complete turds. This year, I’m going to give you a head start.

What follows is a complete list of who’s running a commercial during the Big Game, and when available, the actual commercial.

Watch them now, and enjoy those five-minute pauses in the game doing what God intended you to do: filling that gaping hole in your face with chicken wings and booze. And then, of course, releasing the results into the wild (or your bathroom).

Audi

Axe

Beats Music

Budweiser and Bud Lite

Expect four commercials from America’s oldest beer makers. Look for a celebrity-filled Bud Light ad (promised appearances by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Don Cheadle and Reggie Watts); a 30-second Bud Light spot in the game’s first ad slot promoting a new aluminum bottle; a Budweiser ad that brings back the Clydesdale trainer from last year’s “Brotherhood” commercial (guaranteed to jerk the tears right out of you) with a Clydesdale and a puppy. The other Budweiser spot, “Hero’s Welcome,” pays tribute to soldiers returning from Afghanistan.

Butterfinger

The bastages pulled it off youtube…Sorry. And Butterfinger, I don’t like your stinking weaksauce excuse for a candy bar anyway. So, suck it!

 

Carmax (with included Puppy version)

Cheerios

Chevrolet

Chobani

Coke

Doritos

Doritos will once again pick two 30-second commercials from entries in their “Crash the Super Bowl” contest. Here are the Top 5:

H & M

Hyundai

Jaguar

Kia

M & Ms

Et tu, M & Ms?!?!?! Pulling your commercial off youtube in the middle of my extended post on Super Bowl commercials. If not for your chocolaty goodness, I would damn you to the same hell as Butterfinger…

Oikos


Pepsi

Pepsi’s commercial time will introduce the Halftime show. In it’s place here, the Pepsi Grammy Halftime Show:

SodaStream

SodaStream had to change the last line to apease the Fox peeps…and a couple of other Super Bowl advertisers. The unedited version appears here:

Squarespace

Toyota

Volkswagon

Weather Tech

Weather Tech’s new commercial is called “You Can’t Do That,” and will focus on the brand and the importance of manufacturing in the United States. I, myself, will focus on the chips and Elvis dip while it’s on, because it sounds like a snoozer…

Wonderful Pistachios

Wonderful Pistachios will give us two commercials, featuring the always, uh, entertaining, Steven Colbert…

And all the others. The companies not forward thinking enough to actually release the commercials before the game, so that we can watch them over and over and over and embed their brands in our our beady little craniums. Instead of getting a glancing view in between beers and fat pulled pork BBQ sammiches…

Bank of America

You’ve been hearing about this one everywhere, but alas, no preview. BOA and U2 have agreed to a partnership that will kick off with a commercial during the Super Bowl, that will feature U2 performing a new song, “Invisible.” The song will be available as a limited edition release on iTunes for free download during the game and for the following 24 hours. For every download during that timeframe, Bank of America will donate $1, up to $2 million total, to the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria, which provides life-saving HIV/AIDS treatment, testing and prevention services to tens of millions of people in the world’s poorest countries.available free on iTunes during the game and over the next 24 hours. Bank of America said it will donate $1 for every download in that time, up to $2 million.

GoDaddy

One commercial will feature NASCAR’s Danica Patrick, and other’s running toward a gym that’s used GoDaddy to find new customers. I have no idea why GoDaddy decided to put Danica in a ‘muscle suit” instead of a bikini. An epic “FAIL” IMHO. The other will feature a real woman quitting her job to start her own business.

Heinz

Heinz triggers happy memories. And a chance to run to the kitchen for another beer. Thanks, Heinz!

Intuit

Intuit, the maker of financial and tax prep software Quicken and TurboTax, has promised their ad time to the winner of a contest for small businesses. The four finalists were Poop Natural Dairy Compost, dog treat maker Barley Labs, egg company Locally Laid, and GoldieBlox. Very sweet, Intuit. But boring. Unless the dog poop company comes through with a winner. I have my doubts. Bathroom break anyone?

Turbo Tax

TurboTax rolls out their new brand campaign entitled “It’s Amazing What You’re Capable Of”. I’m capable of hitting the head, grabbing a beer, and wolfing down half a pizza while this sure-to-be-lame commercial plays.

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