There are so many words in the English language that sound bad, but aren't. Since I have a 5 year old, I have to watch how many F-bombs that I toss out there. Because of this, I have been finding words to use in lieu of the words that I like to use. If I don't, my wife will beat me into submission until I can't talk at all. So here is my Top 5

  • 5

    BALZAC

    This one is my #1 simply because it is the actual name of a person. I do enjoy saying Hancock (as in Herbie or John), but Balzac sounds so much worse. For those who don't know: Balzac was a French writer and a novelist. He was into realistic fiction.

  • 4

    JACULATE

    I heard this one during the Olympics, during the Javelin toss and about pissed myself with laughter. Then, after my 3rd grade humor moment left me, I looked up what it meant. Definition: To throw or cast, as a dart; to throw out; to emit.

  • 3

    Dictator

    It is more fun to use this word, as in "DickTater". (hence the picture). The real definition isn't that funny, but the word is.

  • 2

    COXSWAIN

    Sadly, this does not mean you junk rides to the left or right. However, if you were on a row team, would you want to be called a Coxswain? I know that I wouldn't. It's meaning: the person in charge of a boat, particularly its navigation and steering.

  • 1

    Thespian

    We all know this one. Believe it or not, back in the 1950's a heated campaign between Claude Pepper and George Mathers. Mathers is often credited with delivering a speech describing Pepper's sister as a "well-known thespian." Pepper's brother was a "practicing homo sapiens." Pepper himself reportedly "masticated daily" or "openly matriculated at college." While none of these allegations were in the least bit immoral or illegal, Mathers counted on voter ignorance and used dirty politics to sway the voters away from a questionable candidate like Claude Pepper.