Meat Diets Kill, So Have a Whiskey Bender and Lots of Sex

Meat junkies are living on the edge, as a recent study finds that high protein diets are as detrimental to individual health as smoking 20 cigarettes per day.

Researchers from the University of California recently published these findings in the latest issue of the journal Cell Metabolism, in which they concur that people whose diets consist of mass amounts of animal protein – meat, cheese, milk – are more likely to drop dead from cancer than those who avoid it.

However, the adverse results of being a carnivorous hound are not apparent until around middle age. The study found that adults over the age of 50 who maintained a steady regimen of burgers, steak and sausage were 74% more likely to keel over in what these researchers have deemed an “early death.”

Hell, most of us here at the station would be happy, and rather impressed, to live until we are in our 50s. Perhaps we should conduct our own study to determine exactly what is more dangerous than whiskey benders and unprotected alley sex… not much, that’s for damn sure!

We’re all doomed eventually, so go ahead and eat lots of dead animals if that is your thing. Feel free to get in on some of that nasty promiscuity and hard liquor, as well.