Man Dies in Geriatric Meth Lab Explosion
Sooner or later, it had to happen. You cut their Social Security. You cut their medicare. You jack up the price of cigarettes and Depends. Eventually, you hit the breaking point, and Grandma and her posse have to crank (pun not intended…seriously) up a meth lab in the nursing home just to make ends meet.
And we all know, when you put all those chemicals and a large fire in the hands of a group of people who poop their pants and can’t find their teeth in the morning, nothing good can happen.
The Ashtabula (Ohio) Fire Department was called to the Parkhaven Nursing Home in Ashtabula about 8:30 p.m. Sunday, according to a press release. Smoke and flames were coming from a room on the second floor of the facility. Several residents were evacuated – but not before 31-year-old Shaun Warrensman died after being caught the blaze.
The incident is still under investigation, so we don’t know if Warrensman was behind the meth lab, or just an innocent visitor…but I suspect very foul play. I wouldn’t be surprised if they discover that Warrensman was running an elderly prostitution ring out of the home, and one of the ‘girls’ – tired of his heavy pimp hand – lured him into the room with promises of a little smoke and some geriatric female fun stuff, only to have her accomplice crack his head open with her walker and leave him to die in in a cover-up meth lab fire. Pimpin’ ain’t easy, you know.
Don’t look at me like that. It could happen. Right?