Louisiana Water: Is Snorting Cocaine Safer?

We can’t believe we’re saying this, but it may actually be safer to snort cocaine than it is to splash around in the Louisiana water supply.

That’s because while cocaine has been known to constrict the blood vessels in a person’s brain, causing violent and bizarre behavior, heat attacks, seizures and even stokes, the drinking water in Louisiana recently tested positive for brain-eating amoeba that well, devours a person’s brain until they are dead.

This fiendish parasite that scientists refer to as Naegleria Fowleri, we simply call it “The Devil Bug,” thrives in hot springs and warm freshwater ponds, and is reportedly harmless until it comes in contact with a person’s nose. At that point, the devil bug infects the brain, attaching itself to nerves that effect the sense of smell, causing swelling to the brain that is almost always fatal.

Officials from the Center for Disease Control say the recent detection of the devil bug in the water supply of St. Bernard Parish in New Orleans is the first time the parasite has been discovered in a treated water supply. And while the water is reportedly safe to drink and bathe in, officials strongly suggest avoiding any circumstance, like swimming, where water can get up your nose.

Incidentally, we also strongly advise against snorting cocaine. That stuff will not only eat your brain, but it might eventually have you turning tricks down at the local truck stop. After all, there's a reason they call it Blow.