I Gotta Get Off at This Exit
When I started here at 99X, my job was to find weird drug related news stories for the “420 NEWS.” So, I figure since today is 4-20, I might as well share a good drug story ever. (The picture has nothing to do with the story. I just wanted something pretty to look at.)
It all started as a routine traffic stop, but it quickly turned bizarre. Cops pulled over a young Cincinnati woman because they thought she had illegal window tint. All was well until the cops realized why she had the windows blacked out.
When officers approached the girl’s vehicle they noticed that her pants were unbuttoned and a sex toy was in her lap. She then, according to the police report, “advised that she had been using it [the vibrator] while watching a video on the computer the passenger was holding.” Investigators did not further identify the video, though they have said it was of the X-rated variety.
When the cops searched her, they found a broken piece of a crack pipe. She was arrested, convicted, and sentenced to 10 days in jail, a $200 fine , and they suspended her driver’s license for six months.
Mainly, this story brings whole new meaning to the phrases : choking the carburetor, spark in the plug, flushing the fluid levels, overheated radiator, honkin’ the horn, pumping the brakes, shifting into low, backing up, hit-n-run, failure to yield, crossing the line, tailgating, giving it gas, auto-cruise, I gotta get off at this exit…I could literally could go on FOREVER with dirty sexual innuendos and puns.
Secondly, I consider myself a pretty horny guy, but how in the hell do you masturbate while driving down the Interstate blitzed on crack and watching a porno ?
All I know is as soon as she gets out of jail, I need meet up with her and take some lessons.