Father's Day: A celebration honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society. You know it happens once a year, but you're never quite sure exactly when...

Just in case the email accidentally went to junk mail, here's your warning shot - FATHER'S DAY IS THIS SUNDAY! There, now don't say you didn't know. So...what are you getting your sperm donor this year?

We've all seen those "look what I'm doing for my Dad" videos - the guy giving his Dear Old Dad a '57 Chevy for Father's Day; another guy sending his male parental unit on an around the world trip because Dad always wanted to travel, but always blew his money on his kids; and the Wall Street trader (and more than likely Inside Trading Crook) buying his Old Man the Beachfront house he always wanted. Face it. Those guys ain't you.

Your broke ass can't even come up with a card this year, unless you threaten some five year to whip something up with his crayons and sign your name on it...

Have no fear, I'm here for you.

Assuming Pop is like every other Baby Boomer era guy, he grew up on television. And I mean television with Archie Bunker, Cliff Huxtable, and Danny Tanner. If that's the case, and if it's safe to say he's technologically savvy enough to open an email...attach the Greatest Father's Day Tribute EVER (below) to an email telling him how he outclasses every TV Dad in the clip. If he has half a heart, he'll be blubbering in his PBR at your touching thought...

 

 

If though, Dad is an ex-Marine or a Vulcan...it's going to take a little more to make that emotional impact. I've included this video for those 'hard-to-crack' fathers.

 

 

Sure, it's just a lousy commercial for soap, but if that one, with a simple "Happy Father's Day" in the subject line doesn't have him wailing like a 5-year-girl that just lost her ice cream to the family dog, my advice to you is give it up. The heartless bastage doesn't deserve your love anyway.