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Gabe’s Top Reasons You Should Get Breast Implants

Photo by Dave Hogan/Getty Images

A new iPhone app lets women see what they’d look like with breast implants.  If that’s not enough of an incentive, check out the Top Reasons You Should Get Breast Implants.

You’re sick of people only being interested in you for your high IQ.

Breast implants are a handy externalized manifestation of your unhealthy need for superficial attention from strangers.

So men will stop staring at your face.

You’re angry with your back and you want to punish it.

Who the hell wants to buy their own drinks?

If God meant for women to be flat-chested, he wouldn’t have given the world elastomer silicone shells filled with sterile saline solution.

Conversations about your opinions are nice, but free apple-tinis are nicer.

You’re tired of watching the drinks while the hot girls dance.

I know you want to be respected for your brain, but it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.

You’re tired of men treating you with dignity and respect.

No more tickets when you get pulled over for speeding.

You want that promotion, don’t you?

What better way to tell the world, “Hey I may be a middle-aged woman, but I’m still a whore!”

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