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Gabe’s Top List: Tops Signs You’re on a Bad Date

Photo by Jacobsen /Three Lions/Getty Images

Yesterday I mentioned that a British man and woman, went out on a blind date,and discovered an hour into it that they were actually brother and sister. This brings us to today’s list of the Top Signs You’re on a Bad Date.

When you tell him you’ve been looking forward to the date, he winks and discloses the fact he’s already wearing a condom.

She keeps asking if the club you’re going to has a dress code, while suspiciously eyeing your beer helmet.

All her stories end with, “Anyhoo, they dropped the charges, the kid may regain the use of his legs, and I’m barely even contagious.”

She laughs at everything you say . . . even your story about your mom dying.

During dinner she sneezes . . . and out shoots Charlie Sheen’s watch.

The title of the movie you go see contain the words “Tyler” and “Perry”.

During drinks she gives birth to K-Fed’s baby.

No matter how many times you explain the joke, she just doesn’t laugh at your “Too Funk To Druck” T-shirt.

When you get back to his place he plays smooth jazz . . . to drown-out the screams coming from his basement.

It takes place within 30 kilometers of the Fukishima power plant.

You find out you’re both wildly attracted to Rachel Maddow.

He gets offended when you ask him to prove he’s an American citizen.

He hasn’t said a word to you all night. But his ventriloquist dummy won’t shut the hell up.

He won’t stop making sexual advances . . . to the waiter.

You feel like you’ve been shot by Cupid. But turns out, you were just shot.

He just stormed out of the restaurants when the maitre d’ tried to make him wear a jacket over his tuxedo T-shirt.

When you ask if she wants another drink, she rubs her belly and responds, “Why not? After all, I am drinking for two and this little bastard is greedy.”

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