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Dumbass of the Day: 7th Grade Teacher DUI

Mary P. Maloney (mugshot: Palm Beach County Sheriff)

You’ve got to give the 7th grade science teacher from Palm Springs Middle School, Mary Maloney, extra credit for “thinking outside the box”, right?

It all started when Ms. Maloney’s white van hit and damage a pick-up truck Sunday evening and take off without stopping. (Probably right after that church social) A witness then followed Ms. Maloney’s damaged van (that had both airbags deployed) until she and then called the cops. When the police arrived, they found teacher with an empty jug of Carlo Rossi wine behind the driver’s seat and drunk off her ass.

Keep in the spirit of teaching authority, Ms. Maloney allegedly exclaimed “Don’t you understand I am a school teacher?”

But wait, there’s more….

As the teacher and the officer were headed to the drunk tank, Ms. Maloney not only offered to pay the officer to let her off, but also she decided to offer him her oral skills….oh yea, and to grope her mams. The cop apparently did not accept her kind offer (a good choice based on her mug shot).

Now  Ms. Maloney faces six charges including hit and run, knowingly driving with a suspended or revoked license, and two counts of bribery.

But wait, there’s more….

Shockingly, this was NOT Ms. Maloney first arrest: she’s had since 2009 (including Sunday’s incident):

  • In May 2009, she was charged with a misdemeanor DUI and pleaded guilty
  • She was charged with battery in August 2010 but prosecutors dropped that case
  • In October 2010, Maloney was charged with probation violation.

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