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Dead Man Impregnates Woman – Made To Order Zombies?

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When The Rolling Stones said , “You, you make a dead man come (sic),” I don’t think this is what they had in mind.    A 38 year old female mortuary worker is being held on $250,000 bond after becoming pregnant by one of her clients.  A dead client.  Police have charged Felicity Marmaduke – of the Mourning Glory Mortuary outside of Lexington, Missouri  – with desecration of the dead and necrophilia.

According to a statement made to police by Marmaduke, the alleged ‘victim’  experienced a post mortem erection while being bathed.  After observing said ‘dead wood’, the obviously lonely and strangely perverted  Marmaduke straddled the dead man and proceeded have sex with him.  (Note:  Is this even fair?  A dead guy can get laid, but Puff still goes home alone every weekend).

Much to her surprise, the alleged victim came to orgasm after several minutes.  Even more surprising, a few weeks later, while receiving a routine medical exam, Marmaduke had a positive pregnancy test .

Mistake #1) Molesting a corpse.
Mistake #2) Not using protection and/or birth control while molesting a corpse
Mistake #3) telling hre doctor how she became pregnant

The police were notified,  and Marmaduke was arrested  at her dilapidated trailer home  home a few blocks from the mortuary.   (Surprise!  She lives in a trailer!  No word on whether the trailer also served as a meth lab.  I’m betting on  ‘YES’. Don’t look at me like that…this did happen in Missouri, the meth lab capital of the USA)

In a bizarre twist, Marmaduke plans to sue the dead man’s estate for child support.  And $75 for services rendered.  Okay, I made that last part up, but would it surprise you?  No?  I didn’t think so.
Do you believe that any of this could really happen?  Me either.  But who am I to dispute the validity of the internet?  No one.  That’s who…

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