Dead Man Impregnates Woman – Made To Order Zombies?
When The Rolling Stones said , “You, you make a dead man come (sic),” I don’t think this is what they had in mind. A 38 year old female mortuary worker is being held on $250,000 bond after becoming pregnant by one of her clients. A dead client. Police have charged Felicity Marmaduke – of the Mourning Glory Mortuary outside of Lexington, Missouri – with desecration of the dead and necrophilia.
According to a statement made to police by Marmaduke, the alleged ‘victim’ experienced a post mortem erection while being bathed. After observing said ‘dead wood’, the obviously lonely and strangely perverted Marmaduke straddled the dead man and proceeded have sex with him. (Note: Is this even fair? A dead guy can get laid, but Puff still goes home alone every weekend).
Much to her surprise, the alleged victim came to orgasm after several minutes. Even more surprising, a few weeks later, while receiving a routine medical exam, Marmaduke had a positive pregnancy test .
Mistake #1) Molesting a corpse.
Mistake #2) Not using protection and/or birth control while molesting a corpse
Mistake #3) telling hre doctor how she became pregnant
The police were notified, and Marmaduke was arrested at her dilapidated trailer home home a few blocks from the mortuary. (Surprise! She lives in a trailer! No word on whether the trailer also served as a meth lab. I’m betting on ‘YES’. Don’t look at me like that…this did happen in Missouri, the meth lab capital of the USA)
In a bizarre twist, Marmaduke plans to sue the dead man’s estate for child support. And $75 for services rendered. Okay, I made that last part up, but would it surprise you? No? I didn’t think so.
Do you believe that any of this could really happen? Me either. But who am I to dispute the validity of the internet? No one. That’s who…