The Rock Station 99X » Stupid Criminals

Enraged Man Beats Woman in Wheelchair for Eating Last Piece of Chicken

Drew Weisholtz — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 22:03:01 +0000

Some people have no clue how to treat the handicapped. Police in Pacolet, South Carolina arrested 44-year-old Clifford Smith last weekend because he attacked a wheelchair-bound woman after she ate the last piece of chicken during dinner. Smith and some other people were chowing down, along with the woman, when she helped herself to the [...]

Man Arrested After Breaking Into Restaurant, Eating 16 Slices of Pie and Falling Asleep

Joe Student — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 15:00:48 +0000

A man broke into a Baltimore fast-food restaurant last month and ate 16 slices of pie before falling asleep and being captured, police say. Baltimore police responded to a break-in at a Popeye's chicken restaurant on Feb. 19, whereupon they found a 62-year-old man asleep on the floor of the establishme

Dumb Prisoner Escapes So He Can Drink at a Bar

Drew Weisholtz — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 21:16:25 +0000

Timothy Bonner went from the cooler to drinking a cool one and back again. The 40-year-old man escaped from a jail cell in Smith Township, Pennsylvania last weekend, only to go to a local bar for a beer. Bonner, who was in custody for assault, managed to get away as officers were putting him in [...]

A Special Edition of Teacher/Student Sex

Steve King — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 15:49:58 +0000

Now, I say “Special” not just for the reason of the act of coitus being “special,” but rather that the teacher was a Special Ed teacher. The reports don’t say this kid is a special ed student, but the teacher, Jennifer Lynn Woods, 35, did teach at a school that was only for “special needs” kids. [...]

Bucket-Wearing Man Burglarizes Slidell Seafood Restaurant [VIDEO]

Angela Thomas — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 15:11:49 +0000

It seems 23-year-old Richard Boudreaux was quite prepared to burglarize his old place of employment…except for one important piece of gear — a mask. He realized a little late that security cameras in Kenney’s Seafood in Slidell would capture his face…so he grabbed a bucket and put it over his head. Police caught him anyway. [...]

Dumbass of the Day: Kid Narcs on Himself

Steve King — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 17:45:58 +0000

Meet 18-year-old Jacob Cox-Brown. This moron has been able to help the police provide the details to a crime that is related to some cars damaged by a drunk driver last New Year’s Eve. How did he do this? He posted a confession on Facebook. “Drivin drunk… classsic but to whoever’s vehicle i hit i [...]

Worst Bank Robber Ever Caught While Masturbating on Sidewalk

Donald Deane — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 17:01:03 +0000

As any guy knows, the need for, um, release can sometimes be powerful and all-consuming. But there are probably better times to choke the chicken than in the aftermath of a bank robbery. Just sayin'.

Priest Bites Off Fellow Priest's Ear in Fight Over Parking Space

Jeremy Taylor — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 17:00:30 +0000

The last time we heard about somebody having his ear bitten off during a fight, the unfortunate victim was boxer Evander Holyfield. This time both the suddenly ear-less man and the flesh-chomping perpetrator are holy men.

In New York, Apparently Strip Clubs Have No Artistic Value…LIES!

Puff — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 15:16:38 +0000

If there is one thing Vinnie Paul and I have in common, it's an undying love of strippers. And I find it very insulting that a New York Court ruled 4-3 that Nite Moves Strip Club in Albany couldn't get "dramatic or musical arts performances” tax exemption because strip clubs have no artistic value...WHAT?!?

Gas Station Attendant Stops Robbery With Natty Ice

Puff — Sun, 23 Sep 2012 00:58:29 +0000

I used to think it took a lot of balls and patience to work at a gas station since you have to deal with jackasses all day long, plus survive the occasional armed robbery. But, like most things in life, I was wrong. The only thing you need to survive and thrive as a gas station attendant is Natural Ice. Lots and lots of Natty Ice.

Is That a Pomeranian in Your Pants or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Kayla Keys — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 20:09:05 +0000

Some guy steals a Pomeranian from a pet store in New York by stuffing the poor dog in his pants. Finally some truth to the amazing line from “No Strings Attached,” “It’s like a crime scene in my pants.” The New York Post has video of a couple of criminal masterminds in their attempted robbery [...]

Introducing "The Long Island Hot Dog Hooker"…So Many Jokes, So Little Time…

Puff — Tue, 08 May 2012 14:53:05 +0000

According to the New York Post, Catherine Scalia, an owner of a roadside hot dog truck and prostitute of local legend, was busted for allegedly handling more than one kind of wiener on her van.

She was arrested the other night by an undercover cop for offering him the chance to slather a little "Gentlemen's Relish" on her buns.

Woman Sues McDonald's For Turning Her Into Hooker!

gonzo — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 04:22:00 +0000

“Would you like fries with that? No? How about a blow job?” What?!?!?! Has something new been added to the Dollar Menu?!?!? It hasn’t happened yet, but a California woman has filed a lawsuit against the den of burger inequity,claiming that the fast food haven helped contribute to turning her into a trick turner… According [...]

Man Dies in Geriatric Meth Lab Explosion

gonzo — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 22:15:20 +0000

Sooner or later, it had to happen. You cut their Social Security. You cut their medicare. You jack up the price of cigarettes and Depends. Eventually, you hit the breaking point, and Grandma and her posse have to crank (pun not intended…seriously) up a meth lab in the nursing home just to make ends meet. [...]

300-pound Naked Man Steals Socks from Walmart [VIDEO]

Puff — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 00:20:09 +0000

A 300 LB Pennsylvania man was arrested after waltzing into a Walmart wearing nothing but his birthday suit and stealing a pair of socks (and, no it wasn’t Stu...).

Thirty-two-year-old Verdon Lamont Taylor was arrested Wednesday night after police say he stripped off his clothes in the parking lot and went into the store

What Do Drunk Germans Do When They Get Arrested? [VIDEO]

Puff — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:09:38 +0000

Well, unlike most people who get arrested, the Germans fight back...with a dildo. And yes this video is as weird as it sounds (What kind of man carries around a pink dildo in his pocket?).

Naked Cowgirl Arrested for DUI

Kayla Keys — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:00:00 +0000

In Corpus Christi, Texas 18 year old Taylor Burnham was arrested after drunk driving and evading police. That in itself is not all that interesting. What is interesting is that when police found her, she was wearing nothing except a pair of cowboy boots.

127 Uses For Duct Tape. No, Wait…Make That 128 [VIDEO]

gonzo — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:19:15 +0000

What?!?!? You mean this is a felony?????

Stu's News for 01-26-12

Troy Jones — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:57:09 +0000

Pat Sajack admitted to getting sloshed during Wheel of Fortune. Scientist know how to “cloak” things (don’t tell the Klingons). A Shreveport Police officer is arrested for solicitation and narcotics. And we all have an STD?? Podcast Powered By Podbean

Dead Man Impregnates Woman – Made To Order Zombies?

gonzo — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:37:20 +0000

When The Rolling Stones said , “You, you make a dead man come (sic),” I don't think this is what they had in mind. A 38 year old female mortuary worker is being held on $250,000 bond after becoming pregnant by one of her clients. A dead client. Police have charged Felicity Marmaduke - of the Mourning Glory Mortuary outside of Lexington, Missouri - with desecration of the dead and necrophilia.