Mike Adams

I imagine there is a seductive, cult-like harem of satanic beauties dressed in pentagram bikinis being kept at an underground, back mass cathedral somewhere off the coast of Norway, where domineering idols of the heavy metal world come pawn off pieces of their eternal soul in exchange for a peak at the tan lines on the devil’s rack

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In the grand scheme of the heavy metal enthusiast, it is not often that childhood aspirations of becoming a god-sized shredder come to fruition before the first patch of pubic hair. 

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We’ve heard of space junk, but this is just ridiculous.

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While the videos of a nude Pamela Anderson at sea with legendary Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee are forever burned inside our perverted memories, her latest fashion statement indicates that her days on that particular kind of sea voyage might be behind her.

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What we know as the modern day strip club really started to gain popularity at the end of World War II, and ever since then the combination of booze and strippers has sort of become synonymous with post-Babylonian culture; a sexual haven for the common man who's looking for cheap thrills, a dollar at a time.

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When getting married in a public place, it's pretty much become tradition for the wedding reception to be infiltrated by some level of outsider madness, like a couple of drunkards screaming “Hit it, buddy – we did!,” or a naked man who apparently has mistaken the phrase "pending nuptials" for "look at my genitals."

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In a sleazy underworld full of throbbing perversion, there is a counterculture of sex fiend that exists, which not only wishes to engage in the nipple-biting taboos of the flesh, but they are also willing to drop their life savings trying to obtain such unusual fruits of Babylon – or in this case, Brazil. 

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No longer will Israelis be subjected to spanking off to nudie magazines in a language other than their own; this week Playboy released a Hebrew edition of the iconic lifestyle rag for the "discriminating gentlemen” of the holy land.

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The thought of a man eating, chew-you-up-and-turn-you-into sea poo brand of Great White is frightening enough to keep us out of the ocean during spring break; however, scientists say that the sharks of our time are goldfish in comparison to this fiendish 25-foot chainsaw-toothed, prehistoric killer known as Helicoprion.

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Neck-biting boner lust, bisexuality and headless orgies are apparently pretty old news, judging from these ancient pornographic images that date back to nearly 4,000 years ago. We always knew Captain Caveman was secretly a freak.

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A controversial new app set to be released in March aims to keep the Twitter statuses of the dead and buried alive, by continuously updating them long after the worms eat into their brains.

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In an attempt to not be tortured and burned at the stake by their customer base, executives at Maker’s Mark have announced that the distillery no longer plans to cut their world famous bourbon with water.

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